Rumour has it FSC bought the rights to the Champions League. I was aghast to learn that everyone is happy, because Tommy Smyth won't be doing commentary anymore. That's right, you idiots seem to think he's annoying. I'll never understand why. Of course the "old onion bag" is stupid, but that is just a minor idiosyncrasy. I'm still waiting for someone to explain to me why he's no good. Instead you want to pay $100 a month to watch FSC, so you can see Everton vs. West Ham as their match of the week.
It's the same morons who complain that Tim McCarver and Joe Morgan are bad baseball commentators. I love the both of them! And the same dummies who said John Madden is bad at "football". But you have nothing to say about the two clowns doing NBA games, Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy. (Or is it Stan Van Gundy? I always confuse the fat one with the crazy one). Fuck you ya stupid pricks. I'd like to see you assholes try some announcing.
As a Kamikiri descended upon Petco Park, for the first time in history, Cuba finished out of the top 3. They could not help the misfortune of being drawn in the same pool as Samurai Japan.
Speaking of better things to do, looks like Chipper Jones needs something to do. He's tried nothing and he's all out of ideas.
I can't believe things have come to this point. If USA plays those damn Cubans in the semis or the final, I'll root for them. Otherwise, I can not in good conscience support them. Before the tournament even started, Davey Johnson was talking smack about Yu Darvish. Oh yeah, Jake Peavy and Ted Lilly are way better than that guy.
As for what happened against Holland, I think some guy from the San Francisco Chronicle said it best with "Find some perspective. It doesn't get much more pathetic than brushing back a Dutch batter because the previous guy, celebrating one of the great moments of his life, admired his home run about .7 of a second too long."
But the last straw has been these ridiculous remarks by Chipper Jones. Did you see this? Toronto isn't Las Vegas. What exactly is so special about Las Vegas unless you're a gambling addict? Of all the vices available to man, gambling has got be...I'm getting off track. But what's wrong with Toronto? Go to a Maple Leafs game. Check out the Eaton Centre. Better yet, why don't you walk to the top of the CN Tower you fat gaijin. Is that enough, or should I list more ideas Chip?
HOLLAND BEATS DOMINICAN REPUBLIC! UNBELIEVABLE! Never in a million years did I think Holland could beat the great and powerful Dominicans not once, but twice. Amazing.
I, however, am still pulling for Japan. Now you may say "But Mr. Von Eggers, I thought you would be all about Team USA? What gives?" Let me explain. My Japanophilia extends far beyond baseball, but includes baseball nevertheless. So I don't know, I just like Samurai Japan, and their many awesome players. I remember when they played their first game, I woke up at 4 AM because I was too excited to sleep.
I just haven't gotten excited about USA. For one thing, I hate the fact that Americans don't care about their own national team. You can't even see Team USA's games on ESPN. I guess they'll be showing college basketball or some other moronic dreck. And then there's all these fuckface sports-writers who do nothing but complain about the WBC. Your club is your whole life but your country means nothing? Why can't you support both?
Then there's the players. Don't get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for all who put on the American uniform. I didn't think it was possible to like Youkilis and Pedroia anymore than I did. But the team is lacking. They have 2 catchers. I guess Joe Mauer has better things to do. They have 4 outfielders. I guess Grady Sizemore and Torii Hunter have better things to do. They have 3 starting pitchers. I guess CC Sabathia and Josh Beckett have better things to do. They have about 15 second-rate closers. I guess Joe Nathan and Jonathan Papelbon have better things to do.
Then I think of Japan, and all those problems go away.
Speaking of the WBC, I've taken the liberty to study the statistics and compile what is, in my opinion, the best lineup for the Japanese. They're so stacked I've got the NPB batting champion batting 7th. Kinda like the 03 Red Sox. They're gonna score 70 runs.
1 CF AOKI
2 SS NAKAJIMA
3 RF ICHIRO
4 3B OGASAWARA
5 DH MURATA
6 LF INABA
7 1B UCHIKAWA
8 C ABE
9 2B IWAMURA
You know what's BULLSHIT!? Football. No, I'm not talking about the beautiful game. I'm talking about the fat fools in charge who are ruining everything. I mean I'm fuming right now. They can't leave well enough alone, they have to change all these things that are fine the way they are? What's wrong with you people? I have a lot of things to say, so be sure to read the comments in case I forgot something and have to add it on later.
Let's start with this 6+5 garbage. What the hell is the point of limiting the number of foreign players on a club? A player's nation of origin should have NOTHING to do with whether he plays or not. It's idiotic! It's overt discrimination. It's not going to make things more competitive, they will be LESS competitive. Now I hate the European Union, but they're right about this nonsense.
Some have said that this would benefit England if there were fewer foreigners. Let me make myself clear. Most people put club before country. I don't. If I were Paul Scholes, I would retire from Manchester United so I could focus on helping England win another World Cup and prolong my international career. Having said that, I DON'T CARE IF THIS HELPS THE NATIONAL TEAM. So now it's Manchester United's problem that England couldn't qualify for Euro 08? WELL UH UH! I don't really give a fuck if Arsenal fields 11 guys from Africa. They should play the best players they're willing to buy. Moreover, England doesn't need this. Steven Gerrard needs quotas!? Frank Lampard needs quotas!? Wayne Rooney needs quotas!? Gareth Barry needs quotas!?
I heard a rumor that they want to have orange cards. Not a yellow, not a red, an orange. I'm going to ask Sepp Bladder what I asked Jason Varitek: WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, HOCKEY? This idea is so stupid I don't feel the need to lambaste it.
You know what I just found out? The Champion's League Final is going to be played on a Saturday next year. Saturday. Not a Sunday like the World Cup or European Championship or the FA cup. Saturday. Why? What is so bad about Wednesday? You're telling me you didn't have fun last year? Remember I rushed through my Maternity final and dashed over to the Campus Center to catch the 2nd half? Remember watching the PK shootout with all those Nigerian guys? That was awesome! I'm trying to imagine the CL final on a Saturday, and it just seems completely incongruous.
Inter vs. Manchester United
Liverpool vs. Real Madrid
Lyon vs. Barcelona
Arsenal vs. Roma
Chelsea vs. Juventus
What's wrong with those ties? Absolutely nothing. They're mouthwatering. Which is why it amazes me that the Anglophobes in UEFA want to bring more and more lousy teams that no one cares about. This competition is excellent the way it is. If anything, we need MORE teams from the elite leagues. Nobody cares about Villareal vs. Panathanaikos. They might as well flip a coin for that one. But no, that's not good enough for Michel Zucchini. His idea of a good CL final is Red Star Belgrade vs. Marseille. Go watch the UEFA cup if you want to see that garbage.
Well that's about it. I'm glad I got that off my chest. Good thing the WBC starts soon to distract me from these morons.
Sgt. O'Neill: Bob, I got a bad feeling on this one, all right? I mean I got a bad feeling! I don't think I'm gonna make it outta here! D'ya understand what I'm sayin' to you?
Sgt. Barnes: Everybody gotta die some time, Red.
You ever think about moving out of your parent's house? I mean I could go either way. Before I was thinking of looking for a place in Brighton or maybe Quincy. What if I just left the state? You see, I've been hearing rumours...That it's pretty much impossible for a new grad in nursing to find a job in or around Boston. So I was thinking, if I really did have to move, here's the top 10 places I'd like to end up. Oh yeah, I'm not including Canada nor The Republic of Ireland nor the U.K. nor Chile nor the Philippines nor Japan. I don't wanna bother with the aggravation of applying for a visa, or whatever the hell you're supposed to do. Onto the list:
10-Minnesota. No, I probably won't ever live in Canada. But I can live in a state that touches Canada!
9-Florida. Florida seems overrated, like New York, which didn't make the list. But there are a lot of old people there. Presumably they could use some nurses.
8-North Carolina. I think Howie Carr said he was gonna move there some day. To escape the high cost of living in Massachusetts. Not that he can't afford it here.
7-Indiana. Now Indiana on the other han seems underrated. I was so pissed when Obama won that state.
6-Denver. Denver seems kinda cool. Home of the Colorado Avalanche.
5-Pennsylvania. I have nothing to say about Pennsylvania.
4-New Hampshire. It may be filled with tax-dodgers and speedballers, but it also has places called Portsmouth, Manchester, and Keene. Plus it's close in case I need to move back.
3-Mississippi. By my estimation, Mississippi is the most conservative state in the Union.
2-Seattle. I don't care what anyone says, I like the rain. Plus Ichiro lives there.
1-San Francisco. It just seems like an awesome place in every movie and every video game that takes place there. Michael Savage must agree, as he's been living there for years.
England squad to play Spain in a friendly international in Seville on Wednesday, February 11:
Goalkeepers: Green (West Ham), Hart (Man City), James (Portsmouth).
Defenders: Bridge (Man City), A Cole (Chelsea), R Ferdinand (Man Utd), Jagielka (Everton), G Johnson (Portsmouth), Terry (Chelsea), Upson (West Ham), L Young (Villa).
Midfielders: Beckham (LA Galaxy), Barry (Villa), Carrick (Man Utd), Downing (Middlesbrough), Lampard (Chelsea), Milner (Villa), Wright-Phillips (Man City), A Young (Villa).
Forwards: Agbonlahor (Villa), C Cole (West Ham), Crouch (Portsmouth), Heskey (Villa).
That's not a bad squad, given the injuries. I don't know what to make of it. South Africa 2010 will be here before you know it. The Euros just weren't the same without England. Sure, Holland and Germany were there, but it's like, who cares? I remember back in 06 I thought we had a kickass squad. I wonder if we'll ever win a World Cup. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just thought I'd let you know, I'm thinking about you.
So Varitek re-signed with the Red Sox. Another asshole. He's supposed to be the "captain" and he wants to leave the team for more money elsewhere. There's your captain. Oh golly, he came back! I sure hope he bats above the Mendoza Line this year.
What's with that stupid C he has to wear on his jersey? What do you think this is, hockey? Like that's supposed to impress somebody? Does he fly the team plane? A team captain is a somewhat arbitrary concept anyway, but I digress. You really think you're better than everyone, don't ya? Are opposing players supposed to genuflect when they come up to bat?